From the World to the Search for Holiness
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April 5, 2021There was a time in my life when I was far from God, when I thought that God had more important things to do in heaven than to think about me (which was a huge lie from the devil!). I felt like I had to make the most of my life, so I threw myself into the world: I began to drink alcohol to have “courage,” I used marijuana to relax and find a false “peace,” a false joy. But in 2012, through a grace received by my brother who was suffering medically, I came to a conversion to God! I had not known him until then…and it is impossible to love someone you don’t know.
The thirst for knowledge made me search for God, even without knowing what my vocation or calling would be; what I wanted most was to serve the Lord. A religious who accompanied me throughout this time, praying for me, gave me this Biblical passage that I have kept until today: “If we die with him, we will live with him; if we persevere, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he will also deny us; if we are unfaithful, he remains faithful because he cannot deny himself” (2Tim 2:11-13). There powerful words awakened the desire in my heart to cooperate with the Lord, to do something that pleased his heart, to evangelize, to contribute to the salvation of souls that risk losing themselves; to do, in short, whatever he would want me to!
At the same time, I asked him: “Why would you call a person that has offended you so greatly, walking along the wrong paths?” One beautiful day in the chapel, he answered me when I opened the Bible and happened upon a passage from the vocation story of Isaiah when the prophet said he was lost because he was an impure man living in the midst of an impure people and yet his eyes had seen the Lord. When the ember touched his lips, however, his sins were taken away – and when the Lord said, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?” Isaiah answered: “Here I am! Send me!” (Is 6:1-9). As I heard these Words of the Lord, my heart was beating hard; in that moment I understood that the Lord was calling me!
Some time later, by the grace of God, I met Sr. Clara (from this community, psgm), who is now my spiritual guide, and began vocational discernment in a very concrete way, taking to heart a bit of advice she gave me: “Do not be satisfied only with feelings, but search for clear signs that can build your vocation on a solid foundation.” At her suggestion, I began participating in a “Discernment with Mary” group: a 6-month journey of vocational discernment with the meditated rosary (as St. John Marie Vianney says, “The surest way to know the will of God is to pray to our good mother, Mary!”). In these 6 months, I received very clear signs that helped me understand, in both heart and mind, that the Lord was calling me to have a more radical experience in consecrated religious life, following a lifestyle that is poor, chaste and obedient, after the example of Jesus.
As Padre Pio would say: “God wants your miseries to be the throne of His mercy.” No matter how grave the sin, if we repent, the mercy of God will always be greater; His mercy has no limits. Those who sincerely search to understand and live the will of God will discover it, and discover it with certainty, no matter what they might have done in the past.
